Happy Birthday to our Angel

Today is my niece Aspen's birthday, she would be 12 if she were still with us. I can't verbally tell you what it's like to loose a family member, I know a lot of people have lost someone special and i'm sure they can sympathise but on days like these it doesn't make it easier. It's been a year and half i'm just barely writting down how that day went for me.

On July 22, 2010 it had started out as a normal day for me, my boyfriend Brad Rasmussen had picked me up for our usual morning run. We would run the river trail along the golf course every morning together. Earlier that week my parents had talked about going to California but it was still up in the air, my mom had told me the night before to start packing just in case, but she wasn't sure if we were going yet. So as I got back from our run, I told Brad goodbye and headed inside to start packing. I remember standing at the counter between the sink and the stovetop, where my parents plug their phones in. My dad had forgotten his because it was still sitting in its case plugged into the wall. I heard his familiar ringtone and I saw that it was my brother. I answered the phone and i've never heard Dan so distraught in my life. "Where's dad?" he asked.

"I don't know he's not here, do you want me to have him call you back when I see him?"
"Yeah, as soon as you see him!"
"Okay..."

Earlier that week Aspen had just gotten her trachiotomy out. I wish I had been home when she came over to see us. My mom said she was doing good but was just tired. She even had a brownie, that girl LOVED chocolate  :) She definitly took after her mamma on food tastes.

My dad came home just about 10 minutes later in a panic. He kept asking me "Where's the concecrated oil?!" I told him that I thought it was in the outside fridge, but I also knew that we had a big bottle of it in the medicine cabinet. But he was so frustrated that he couldn't find that little Asprin bottle. He told me that Aspen was in the hospital and to just stay home. After he left I just remember standing in the middle of the kitchen. The thought that ran through my mind was "Aspen is gone, she's okay, you'll be okay". I notice that when i'm upset that I constantly tell myself "you're okay, you'll be okay" or "it'll be okay" and you know what, sometimes it's okay not to be okay.
The next while was a blur, I called Brad even though he was on his way to Idaho with his best friend, I don't remember anything that he said to me although I'm sure he told me he loved me a lot, but I do remember how much comfort he gave me. I owe him so much, if I had been dating someone who had lost a family member I wouldn't know what to do, but Brad was great, he was there when I called him, let me cry when I just couldn't bare it anymore and bought me lots of jamba juices. I remember seeing my brother Rick who is the strongest guy I know, just melt, as him and his wife sat at the kitchen table with me as we waited for the final news.

At Logan Regional Hospital Aspen had suffered 3 strokes in the emergency room, they also gave her a second traich to try to revive her, and they were able to but she had no brain activity. My mom recalls that the the room had an aweful feeling, it just wasn't the way you should feel when a little spirit is taken to Heavenly Father. She was life-flighted to Primary Childrens Hospital in Salt Lake City and my parents drove Dan and Brooke (Aspen's parents) down to Salt Lake. When Aspen arrived at the hospital the nurses cleaned her up and one of the nurses french braided her hair, and tied a ribbon it. My parents later commented on how much more peaceful it was. While my parents and brother and sister in law were down in Salt Lake we had the unfortunate job of getting a hold of all my siblings and family members. My sister and brother in law were celebrating their anniversary on a cruise and they were the hardest to get a hold of. My oldest sister and her husband dropped everything and drove to California to get my sister Baili, who is just older than me, because her husband was serving in Afgahnistan at the time. When my parents got home my dad gave me a big hug and told me that he loved me so much.

The days up to her funeral were a blur, I honestly just remember people always bringing us food, and calling us and doing dishes, doing dishes was my job. Every morning I got up, made my bed and showered and got dressed and you took the day hour by hour. It was heartbreaking to see my brother and sister in law in so much pain. I would never wish it upon anyone, "no child should proceed, their parents in death." - James Garnier It was hard watching my parents hurt for their children but also deal with the lose of a beloved grandchild.

Through all this I have learned that family is most important, and everyone has an important role here on earth. Even if the time you have here is short, remember that this is not the end, we have eternity. Aspen taught me so much, and I can't tell you how much I want to hear her say "I'm almost taller than you!" just one more time.. I will always have regrets of not being a better aunt as I know my whole family does, but that is the blessing of this gospel, through the atonment we can live together forever someday. Aspen Cressall, happy 12th birthday sweetie, we love you so very very much! My heart goes out to my brother, sister in law, and Dana.

The last picture I took of Aspen, she loved to play her cello!